look no pants
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
