I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
