I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
