I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
