Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
