i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
