im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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