Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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