Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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