new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
