is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she told me i tasted like america
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
