I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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