I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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