So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
