Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I did not marry a roomba.
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