Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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