I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
wow bdsm is so cute
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
