You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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