you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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