i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
