hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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