i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
only you would photoshop your dick
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
