The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
