She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina