my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.