I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell