Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.