I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
