Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
