I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
