He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
