He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
