Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
