I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
