I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
