So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
