woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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