I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't notice because vodka
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
