I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
