I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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