We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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