Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
