He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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