im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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