Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
