so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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