May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
