You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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