just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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