i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
