dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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