so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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