Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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