took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is Oprah even human
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
