I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
