M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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