Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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