R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
