maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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