I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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