remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
