ya dads aren't the best wingmen
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
