i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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