You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just cut my nipple shaving
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
