just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize