he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
