i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
