Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
