i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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