he told me I talked like a deaf person
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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